I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
