Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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