i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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