i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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