i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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