I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
