it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
