Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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