Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
