i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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