Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
3pm strippers are depressing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
