Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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