so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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