2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
