so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
