You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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