I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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