So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
