the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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