The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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