i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
