just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
