i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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