I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
