Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
me + whiskey = a bad person
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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