TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
