she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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