I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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