whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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