I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
