life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
