i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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