She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
