did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
