Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
