You're my little dorito
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
