Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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