K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
