And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like heaven, but drunker
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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