gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This baby is an asshole
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
