can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
