Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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