i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
