it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
