I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You pole danced in your parka.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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