Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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