When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize