yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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