you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize