New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
