Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All the doctor said was why
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
