we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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