it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
