I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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