dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
