i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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