There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize