she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize