Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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