I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
