That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize