Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
