508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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